you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
