theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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