But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
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