Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
