You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
