Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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