$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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