Kareoke will never be a sober sport
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
