I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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