how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
