The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
