I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Randomize
