I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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