Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
