You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
