Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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