i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
