He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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