how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
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