Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
birth control should be required to get into college
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
