i just sent this text using only my big toe
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
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