wrigley field is MILF paradise
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
