I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
