Three words: puerto rican gang bang
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
