this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
