he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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