So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
