I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
