The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
