Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
