so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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