Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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