exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Randomize
