just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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