Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
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