Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
This girl is more easily done than said...
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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