Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
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