I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
