I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
