i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
