i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
