it's like heaven, but drunker
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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