There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Randomize
