Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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