it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
