Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
