Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
