Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Randomize
