I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Randomize
