Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
