There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
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