At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Randomize
