I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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