i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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